User Profile

I'm 25 years old single mom with two kids. Part time college student just about to finish my Associate in Criminal Justice (I'm in a class now and have one left for the summer and I'm done!0 and I'm also a full time police officer.

I've hated my body and had a love/hate relationship with food since I was about 10. I was always bone thin growing up, but when I hit puberty, I got boobs and fat all at the same time. Home life was hell and I was really poor growing up, plus I was chubby, so that made school horrible. I remember being picked on all the time. I didn't really have friends or a loving home life so food was always there as a faithful friend that made me feel good. I become a chronic overeater. I ate past the point where I was in pain because I was so full because it still tasted so good. Needless to say, I graduated high school at around 190 lbs... and I am only 5'4".

I got married at 20, had two kids, and after weighing myself at 248 - I began to purge after my binges. I lost weight and I liked it. I became fascinated with my weight and how everytime I stepped on the scale, I saw a new, lower number. It became like a competition. When i got down to about 155 or so, I hit a plateau. So, I started working out, restricting myself to 200 to 600 cals a day and was still purging. When I got to 132 lbs, I was maybe eating a pickle a day and no longer purged and still would work out like crazy keeping a journal of all the cals I consumed, burned, my weight and all my measurements. I also consumed the metabolife that used to have the ephdra like it was candy. I was in the police academy at the time and I started passing out. I was told that if it happened again I would be kicked out.

So, i stopped the pills and started to eat. After I had been on the job for about a year, I was up to 176 lbs. I saw a pic of myself and couldn't believe what a disgusting blob of fat I had let myself turn into. I found my way back to diet pills and purging, although I wasn't binging anymore at that time.

A year later and I'm around 137.5. For the last 5 months or so I've bordered between 133 and 135. I try to keep my cals down to 600 or less a day. I love those days where I've only had 200 or less.

The lowest I've ever been is 130 and I'm still so fucking fat and disgusting. I know I'm not as much as I weighed in high school, i was wearing a 16 then and now I range from a 3 to a 6 depending on cut and style... but I stil find myself just as fat and gross.

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